Fairytale Endings

I’ve always wanted to say ‘I miss you’ right in front of your face. But I won’t do that, as I know doing that is just like throwing salt into the sea, as it is stupid. I sort of convinced myself that I'm over you. The convincing worked for like awhile during the holidays, until I saw you at school. My heat literally skipped a beat when I saw you. Oh I know you saw me looking at you, but you acted cool and calm like I 'm invisible. Like I was not even there. Now knowing that I am now invisible to you, that feeling sucks. Whatever happened to ‘You’ll always be my girl’? Asdfghjkl. I really wanna move on, and leave you behind in my past. But what if, the past is what I want to be in my future? What if we were made for each other, but I totally screwed up? What if this feeling will never fade? Okay, enough with the What If’s. Anyway why oh why, you’re always in my dreams? Can’t I for once have a decent dream not including you? Can’t I for once wake up and not preventing the tears from rolling down? You are really irritating, you know that? I extremely dislike bumping you in school, seriously. Cause then I have to pretend that you are invisible or something. I hate doing so. Sigh. Maybe this is the reason why my heart is literally numb from any sort of romantic feelings, and I eventually stop liking boys.

Except for celebrities, of course.

My God. This reminds me, having feelings for you, is approximately the same as having feelings for a celebrity. They don’t even know I exist and I can only love that celebrity from far away. And that celebrity and I will never be together. I wish I can go back in time, and say a few things to my former self, like don’t let my ego stand in the way of me and you. I know you or anyone to be exact, won’t be reading any of this, so it’s kind of like a relief to spill the contents of my heart after keeping it all to myself. Gotta get ready for dinner, so goodbye. Loves.

Malibu Princess

Sorry folks, for not updating this blog for a while now. The sluggishness in me is starting to blossom furiously. I promised myself before the holiday, I will start studying very hard for my finals. But I didn't keep that promise, I haven't even touch a single academic book since the last day of school before the holidays. I feel so ashamed of myself. If I can't even keep a simple promise like that, how could I keep the promises I made to other people? The bond I have with my family members is starting to to widen, as I sleep during the day and will be wide awake at night. Just like an owl. The only strong relationship I have right now are with the laptop and the blackberry. It’s not that I've already give up on my studies and my life, no never. It’s just that, I don't feel like myself these days. I just can't seem to control my emotions these days. One second, I'll be smiling, the next second I'll be screaming my head off scolding someone for their minor slip-up. I need to get out more, you know away from all this. I want to be alone without feeling lonely,
if you know what I mean.

Oh btw, Eid Mubarak was okay. Not really great, but just okay. Like another typical day at my father's side. I went back to Temerloh, Pahang to celebrate it with my dad's side of the family. Watched ghosts stories with them, and that was it. Okay then, I better log off now, my lil sis is driving me nuts as she wants to use the laptop now.
Goodbye, for now. Loves. 

Sore Loser

I'm not looking around to fall in love. I'm not even looking for a boyfriend right now. All I really want is to find a nice, decent guy that I can text late at night, joke around with, and be stupid with. Someone I can easily talk to, someone I can be my total self around and doesn’t mind at all. A guy I can waste Friday and Saturday nights with laughing and doing stupid stuffs together. Someone who's understands me, you know?
A guy-friend.